An Open Letter To Google Users
Dear Google User,
You have probably come across this site, because you are a socially awkward and emotionally unstable pervert. Now, please don’t take offense, as many of my closest friends fall under this category. How do I know this about you? Let’s just say when I go through my log files, I see some very strange entries.
When you searched for “women as meat“, you found women and meat, but you didn’t find any women being mistaken for food (you must have some weird cannibal fantasy).
When you searched for “nice funbags” and “sweater stretchers”, you found that we enhanced the former Destiny Child member’s milk factories, however you didn’t find anything obscenely graphic (as much as you hoped you would).
When you searched for “lindsay lohan sex tape” but instead found a satirical look at celebrity sex tapes, I actually felt kinda bad. But when I saw you searched for “emmanuel lewis sex tape”, I threw-up in my mouth a little.
When you searched for “how dogs mate”, I felt like contacting the authorities about your disgusting animal fetish (but I didn’t).
And finally when you searched for “funny whores”, you got a glimpse at a couple posts about Eliot Spitzer’s extra-marital activities. And what happens to me? I’m left in wonderment about the possibility of some female stand-up comic who had to take on the oldest known profession to pay the bills. Maybe you should try doing a search on “Sarah Silverman”.
Anyway, I look forward to your next misguided search, and hope you enjoy your stay, you retarded degenerate.
April 10th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Its this kind of stuff that will get your site hacked.
April 10th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Cool, commanets work…good luck with the cross site scripting.
April 10th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Thank you for you kind words, Joe. Apparently you are brave enough to talk smack, but too chicken shit to use your real e-mail address.
If you have no sense of humour, I’d suggest going back to Google and try to locate one.
April 10th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Hey Jinksy,
Just today I had my weirdest misguided search yet: “Bubble Wrap Masturbation Techniques”
Somehow, they got to a post of mine that had NONE of those keywords. What happened was some comments left by others had those words and google served me up on page 3 of the search results.
April 10th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
There’s an Emmanuel Lewis sex tape? Yeeesh. That’s pretty bad, especially if people want to see it.
I don’t even want to post the list of google searches that landed freaks on my blog… and it appears a majority of them are just that.
April 19th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
[...] my viewers are bloggers. A noticeable perecentage seem to come across this site while looking for porn and other weird stuff. Secondly, the people who I’d be most curious about have either already been tagged, or would [...]
April 21st, 2008 at 10:43 pm
No thanks to you I finally found the Emmanuel Lewis sex tape. It wasn’t bad, a little on the cheesy side, but some good bits.
I still haven’t figured out how dogs mate, though.
April 24th, 2008 at 3:28 am
Ha, ok according to my recent blog stats, users have been typing into Google Search: broken+ penis and being directed to Krapsody. Total degenerates. How does Google know I have a broken penis????!!!!!