Aquaman’s Special Powers
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In the superhero universe, who do you believe has the lamest powers? How comfortable are you with your sexuality to make a speedo part of your uniform? If you were a superhero, what would be your superpower? Leave a comment.
October 5th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Hands down it’s Green Arrow. Nothing is lamer then a superhero with a bow and arrow.
October 5th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
The green Arrow is fucking awesome and will shoot your head off. He is a socialist and fights for his righteous cause. His power goes way deeper than you, punk.
October 5th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
The Shadow’s concept was cool…but the movie was oh, so sad.
October 5th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Robin. No powers, no cool toys…just a freak escaped from the circus and picked up by a possible pedophile in a PVC suit.
My power would be to see far enough into my own future to stop myself from saying some of the ridiculous things that come out of my mouth. This would require not only ESP, but speed and agility.
October 5th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
i bet aquaman does make a good tuna salad
October 5th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
definitely Birdman. he can only fight while the sun is up, and has a mega-lame costume
October 5th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
I don’t wanna be a superhero. Those suits they wear are so gay.
October 5th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Well lets think about this, noboday can really get to him in the water? Sharks at command? Still gay?
October 5th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
The lamest has to be Starfox, his only super power was the ability to get laid, that is soooo….. wait a second! That’s awesome!
Starfox rules!
October 5th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
The look on aquaman’s face is priceless, like he already knows Batman’s response ain’t gonna be good
October 5th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Maybe George Clooney will come make another Batman movie wherein he asks Aquaman for some calamari and a tuna sandwich. I agree with the commenter who said Robin. Robin was a tool and always will be a tool. And he doesn’t even use the tools in his toolbelt all that well. Isn’t he always getting in trouble and needing help from Batman? Maybe Chris Nolan can make him cool in a few years. Somehow.
I’d want my special powers to be likened to those of Ron Jeremy. Only, I’d have less hair and body fat. Why am I even using the future tense here? I AM THAT SUPER HERO!
October 5th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
okay, okay, okay…
I think Pyro from the X men was totally lame. Sure, he wasn’t really a “superhero” but come on…
He couldn’t make fire, just manipulate it.
Anyway, if I were a superhero, my power would be to get inside your mind. And, you know… make you do stuff.
…X Men rules.
October 5th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
i’d be orgasmo
October 5th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Chris C, there’s a gentleman in Sherwood who would like to have a work with you.
October 5th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
Flying would be cool.
DC heroes always seemed camper than Marvel ones.
October 5th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
The Wonder Twins are as lame as it gets, especially the boy.
I would wear a speedo, and nothing else if i were a super hero.
I would be called Superfly, and my power would be domination of the anthropod philum. Thats right, i would have an army of bugs, and crabs.
October 5th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
The COOLEST Super Hero of all.THE SILVER SURFER!
If I can’t have super powers like him,I don’t want any.
October 5th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
Lamest superhero is Dazzler. All she can do is sing and manipulate light.
And screw heroes. I want Scarecrow’s fear gas >:3
October 5th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
On an episode of Family Guy, the family was covered in toxic waste and all gained super powers. Meg’s was to grow and shrink her fingernails. Useless for super-level activities.
LAME
October 5th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
I would be Noob-Squahser, who squashes noobs and trolls with a single ban.
Yeah, I can see it.
October 5th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
Screw being a superhero. Supervillains have more fun. And the costumes tend to be better…
October 5th, 2008 at 10:10 pm
Batman has NO powers! Making all other powered heroes superior. Can you imagine The Bat Guy vs. Spiderman or Ironman or Namor or Wolverine? JOKE! Batman is BY FAR the GAYEST so-called “hero” EVER! Pretty much all of DC Comics suck. Campy, ham-fisted and lame.
October 5th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
Don’t forget that with every superhero’s power, there is a hidden “super-weakness”. It is usually something of equal ‘wussiness’, addiction, inability, or charactor flaw. My super power would be to fly and my weakness would be….I dare not say ..but it does involve chocolate…and a garden hose,….and maybe a used roll of duct tape….oh! and don’t forget the feathers…..Damn! I’ve said too much!!!
October 5th, 2008 at 10:40 pm
What do you mean “Part of your uniform”? Spandex are in my regular rotation! Different styles and sizes but all spandex!
I’m also a superhero though so I guess it’s acceptable. I have the super amazing ability to but in to any conversation and pretend to know what it’s about on an expert level!
They call me….The Troll!!
btw - Robin sux.
October 5th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
I would have the ability to generate lettuce. Shredded lettuce. In a Marvel-esque “my gift, my curse” twist, I would also have a terrible lettuce allergy. I could never enjoy what I create. My name would be Bryce Berg.
October 5th, 2008 at 11:09 pm
I want orgasms vision. Anyone I choose breaks out in uncontrollable pleasure, and is completely paralyzed. I find it a humane way to crush my enemies, and please the girls ;P.
I think the hulk is one of the lamest super heros. Anything that decreases intelligence during a fight is a disadvantage.
October 5th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
How much of a superhero do you have to be to fucking proofread your own web page to see if you missed any spaces between words.
Also you could use the same fucking font in the speech bubbles so it doesn’t look so obviously fucking photoshopped, you fucking dipshit.
Thumbs down. You fucking suck dick and you should kill yourself now.
October 6th, 2008 at 8:55 am
@Phil
How much of a douchebag are you that you must criticize others over missing spaces on a website? For the record, it is the same font, just sized differently.
And does anyone but a few hardcores care that its photoshopped? No. So shut your friggin yap, and try to enjoy life.
October 13th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
What? is phothshoped? damn… i thought it was an original comic. now is worthless, lets delete this website and kill ourselves because of this.
btw.. my superpower would be to be able to make people’s head explode by using sarcasm. my super weakness, of course, people who can pull hair out of their noses without showing pain… and the lamest superhero ever would have to be, without a doubt: the emo version of peter parker from spiderman 3, or Topher Grace’s venom, did anyone missed the big though giant heavyweight champion venom?
October 13th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
crazy quilt or the ten eyed man
October 13th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
I’d rather be a vilain like magneto or a batman vilain… come on superheroes are lame.. saving the world is such a lame porpouse
October 13th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Yeah Phil! Get some! You told off that guy! Holy shit, you rule man. Oh, and great use of the word “fucking.” For me, I think the best part was the repetition, that or the veiled homoeroticism. Either way, a superb piece of commentary. I’m feeling waves of a young Auden, drunk on verse and enamored with the simple pleasure of writing. Ars gratia artis!
You excel in both content and delivery, sir. Good day to you citizen!
October 14th, 2008 at 1:38 am
I agree ROBIN SUX!!!
Wolverine’s the greatest for me. Being able to heal any wound or disease is GREAT!!! I even read somewhere that he’s over a hundred because of he’s power… I’m not sure if it’s true of course so GET OFF MY BACK.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:13 am
Phil E. Drifter wins, hands down. If I were a superhero, I would want to be him. I mean, everyone can say “you fucking suck” or “you suck dick”, but to be able to say “you fucking suck dick” has to be a superpower.
October 14th, 2008 at 8:02 am
Lame: Jubilee from XMen
Cool power to have: Being the equivalent of the T1000 but not just liquid - turning to a gas and flying, would be fast too…
October 14th, 2008 at 10:47 am
What about the wonder twins ” shape of an Ice Dildo”
Now they were lame. And Phil, you are a douchebag, there can be no denying that.
October 14th, 2008 at 11:24 am
Robin is probably the lamest super hero ever, but when he becomes night wing he’s wicked awesome. but if i were a a super hero i would wan’t the ability to reproduce lightning. its ten times hotter than the surface of the sun
October 14th, 2008 at 11:46 am
The Best is Quail Man, of course.
;p
I must say that Wally West as the flash is my favorite superhero of all time.
October 14th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
The Lamest “Superhero” would have to be ant man… You could crush him an not even know.
I would like my super powers to fly, and no, I would not include a speedo in my suit. Can I have multiple powers? I mean, most superheros kinda have more than one thing right? and Marvel Superhero’s are usually the best but Batman and Superman should be combined into the Marvel universe. They would fit in better there.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
Damon you dare insult DC and say they`re all gay how can you call Rorschach gay just happens to be a sic detective with no powers Rorscach is the fucking man and DC rules.
October 14th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
@ Damon Davenport
Hey dumbass, Iron Man doesn’t have a super power either, just that cool Iron suit, tons of chicks, and an awesome fuckin movie, which might be a super power in itself, but all in all he’s the same as Batman, just a normal billionaire with sweet gadgets.
I’d want the ability to change into any living thing at will, like in that sweet Duck Tales movie. Imagine zooming through the air swooping down on your foe and turning into a fucking Bear at the last second and tearing him to shreds. Or maybe a blue whale and just crush that mother. Oh yea I’d also be immortal and control lightning. What’s the point of turning into a huge whale if some asshole Japanese fishermen are just gonna come harpoon you and slice you up.
October 15th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Ultra-Man was the BEST
October 15th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
while you all lame people stay here and debate this topic I will be off having sex.
October 15th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Batman is BY FAR the worst superhero… he dosnt even have any real super powers… hes just some bored rich guy who knows how to fight… i bet if someone was to do that in real life they would be MURDERD!
October 15th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Its important that sidekicks are not brought to this conversation as “super” in any way. Robin was and is lame but he isn’t a “super hero”. Lamest super hero has to be………… Captain Planet, for anyone who disagrees, allow me to point out the latent fruitiness of a super hero who has every power in the multi-verse of super heroes yet relies on 5 dimwitted kids (planeteers, lol!) who have a nonsensical eco-drive to save the world from super-polluters with no parental supervision.
hanna-barbara can suck a fatty.
Now its time for me to have sex with both of my girlfriends and my wife.
October 15th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
AND HE HAS A MULLET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
October 15th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
For Phil drifter a.k.a Phil McKraken,
If you were the hero of editing and proofreading you claim to be you would also know that you are talking about a typeface, not a font.
Greatest super hero = Captain caveman
Lamest = The gay Ghost (http://blogzarro.com/?p=240)
October 16th, 2008 at 11:11 am
i was actually having this convo with my bf the other day…he’s affraid i’d use any super power for an evil cause and become a villain…but id want thw power of Eden McCain…she was able to ake ppl do whatever she told them…i wouldnt need a suit and unlike my bf thinks i wouldnt use it for evil causes…but i wouldnt use it try to save the world either…life would just be easier… think about it you would go to school like a regular pperson but you wouldnt have to study you’d just ask you teacher to give you the questions of the test and not tell anyone about it…you get the idea…same thing for work you could work at any place you want by just asking them to hire you then you’d ask them to give the salary you want…it doesnt have to be an outrageous number…you can live easily and happily….
and as for the lamest super hero …. idk theres a lot of characters created w/o giving enouhg thought about their powers and the best super hero…idk there are just too many good ones but none of them is unbeatable…they can all get hurt or even die…including me (with my eden mccain superpower =P)
October 16th, 2008 at 11:15 am
sorry about abbreviations and missing letters im having a hard time typing with only left hand being a righty…i broke it :/ ironic… lol
January 8th, 2009 at 8:44 pm
[...] the great Lame Superhero Debate calmed down following my Aquaman’s Special Powers post, I came to the conclusion that Aquaman was not alone in the lame powers end of things. In [...]
January 21st, 2009 at 2:01 am
Either batman, a masked billionaire superhero badass with awesome gadgets, or even better, the green arrow, a masked biollionaire superhero badass with awesome gadgets that he made because he is super genius. Or some mix of the two. Then again, the universe would probably unravel at the mere idea of a superhero with that density of raw power.
February 19th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
i’d be the great and powerful spatula dick. my dick would be shaped like a spatula, you know to flip eggs and shit.
April 5th, 2009 at 9:09 am
not to nitpick, davenport, but batman actually has dropped superman like a bad habit on a few occasions. Kryptonite rings in utility belt, just in case superman goes rogue. green arrow has a few kryptonite arrowheads for the same reason. i love how all the DC comic heroes without powers secretly hate the ones who do. i think it’s because the non supers had to deal with horrible misfortune/hard work/money/genius to get where they are, and the supers just had it fall in their laps. superman is damn near god because our sun is the wrong color, and green arrow had to develop his archery skills to hunt for food after being marooned on an island for christ’s sake. come to think of it, birdman is solar powered too. funny how the same basic character can suck so much harder then the man o’ steel, and share such similarities. batman HATES green lantern with a passion. probably because he has ultimate power on his finger and he uses it to hit people with giant novelty glowing flyswatters.