Archive for the ‘Hypothetical Battles’ Category:
George W. Bush Vs. A Taco
Over the past century we’ve seen some of the greatest rivalries unfold before our eyes. Whether that be the Red Sox vs. Yankees, Celtics vs. Lakers,Pepsi vs. Coke or Apple vs. Microsoft. But we have yet to fully appreciate the greatest rivalry of all time: George W. Bush vs. a taco. But who would be the victor in the battle between the diplomat and the dinner?
Question 1: Which is more popular?
While considered a traditional Mexican dish, tacos are enjoyed by people in Australia, Canada, China, Iceland, New Zealand, Norway, Singapore, the United Kingdom and the United States (just to name a few places).
According to the latest polls, only 27% of Americans approve of how Bush is running the country. So in other words, you ask four people what they think of him, three of them would tell you that they dislike him. Poor Georgey.
Score: Taco 1 George 0
Question 2: Which is more relateable?
A graduate of Yale University, George worked in his family’s oil businesses for a number of years. He was a co-owner of the Texas Rangers, and would work his way into becoming Governor of Texas in 1994. A mere six years later, he became President of the United States.
Tacos can contain practically any type of meat, and can be easily made at home.
Score: Taco 2 George 0
Question 3: Which is more logical?
It had been reported that during a Pentagon meeting in August of 2004, President Bush had been overheard saying “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful - and so are we, they never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people - and neither do we.”
The purpose of the taco’s shell is to prevent its contents from spilling out. Because of the shell, a taco can be eaten from your hand, without the aid of utensils.
Score: Taco 3 George 0
Question 4: Which is more safe?
In December of 2006, 70 diners from Taco Bell restaurants on the East Coast fell sick from E. coli poisoning,
Based on data from various sources, George W and his War On Terror has been either the direct or indirect cause of death for between 9,402 and 27,607 civilians, 887 Coalition soldiers and approximately 4,016 Afghan Police, Military and Private Military contractors. That makes George responsible for between 14,305 and 31,965 deaths.
Which makes you feel more comfortable? 70 sick people or 14,000+ casualties?
Score: Taco 4 George 0
Question 5: Which is more dangerous to the other?
In 2006, U.S. Congress had approved spending $2.7 billion for a fence to be built on the U.S./Mexico border. Its now being reported that it will cost an additional $400 million.
Four years earlier, President Bush spoke to reporters with a noticeably bruised face. Who was the culprit? A pretzel.
Bush is not fearful of the Mexican people coming over illegally. He is fearful of choking on Mexican delicacies such Gorditas, Burritos, Taquitos, and (yes you guessed it) tacos.
Tacos, however, do not fear Bush.
Score: Taco 5 George 0
Verdict: Winner by a unanimous score of 5 to 0 - the Taco.
Well, until anyone can provide a better argument: A Taco > George W. Sorry, fella.
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Do you feel the verdict was unjust? Do you think that Bush is more popular than a taco? Do you think tacos fear George W? Please leave us a comment.
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Naked Man Vs. A Twinkie
After witnessing the battle between Jenna Jameson and a Japanese Phone Book, it occurred to me that a similar debate could be started between two women. Somewhere in the world, two ladies could be sitting at some patio bar and sipping on some margaritas. These ladies would break out into an arguement over some hypothetical subjects.
Which one is better? Which should be the victor? Which one would reign supreme?
This particular battle is between a naked man and a Twinkie.
Question 1: Which is more fattening?
Consuming everything including the cream filling of a Twinkie, you are consuming about 150 calories. Each teaspoon of a naked man’s cream filling has about 5 to 7 calories.
Score: Naked Man 1 Twinkie 0
Question 2: Which has a better shelf life?
Contrary to the urban myth that Twinkies have a shelf life of over 100 years, a more realistic figure suggests that they can sit on your shelf for 25 days and still be fine. And while you would think that someone would starve to death sitting on that shelf, reports suggest that the naked man “could” last between 46 and 73 days without food.
Score: Naked Man 2 Twinkie 0
Question 3: Which are best enjoyed in quantity?
If you were to rip open a box of individually wrapped Twinkies and consume 6, 8, 10 or even 12 over the span of an evening, you may feel slightly bloated or sick. Committing the same acts with 6, 8, 10 or a dozen naked men will likely result in similar symptoms. Keep in mind however, eating one dozen snack treats over the span of a few hours will never have you brandished with such titles as slut or whore.
Score: Naked Man 2 Twinkie 1
Question 4: Which provide better companionship?
While you would assume that the naked man would provide better companionship, some things need to be considered. The Twinkie will never a) forget your anniversary, b) leave you for another woman or c) judge you for what you just “did” to the previous eleven.
Score: Naked Man 2 Twinkie 2
Question 5: Which is more available when you most need it?
A Twinkie can easily be stored in a purse or handbag, and is easily accesible when you are in most need of it. According to most women, a good man is hard to find. If a good man is difficult to obtain, it is safe to assume that a naked man will likely be even more difficult to find when required. Plus, if you are able to find a naked man, chances are that it would be difficult to store him in your favorite handbag.
Score: Twinkie 3 Naked Man 2
Verdict: Winner by a score of 3 to 2 - the Twinkie.
Well, until anyone can provide a better argument: A Twinkie > A Naked Man. Sorry, dude.
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Do you feel the verdict is incorrect or unjustified? Do you think that one or more of the points were awarded to the wrong side? Do you have a better question to pose? Please leave us a comment.
If you liked the post, feel free to let others know about it. Share it with a friend. You can also vote for us at Humor-Blogs.com. While your vote won’t help stop any misconceptions about Twinkies, each vote will ensure a Naked Man won’t get misplaced on some kitchen shelf.
Jenna Jameson vs. A Japanese Phone Book
Somewhere right now, in this world, some people are sitting in a bar, enjoying a few drinks, and having a very random conversation. For those of you who are unfortunate enough not be sitting out at some patio and drink margaritas, I will do my best to reproduce this conversation, but in a more condensed and sensible manner. At this very moment, some guys are drinking beer and discussing hypothetical battles. The battle we will discuss here is one between porn starlet Jenna Jameson and a Japanese phone book.
Question 1: What is able to store more information?
The phone book contains page after page of names and phone numbers. Some recent stories about Jenna give us the impression that she doesn’t always remember to eat. 1 Point goes to the phone book.
Score: Japanese Phone Book 1 Jenna Jameson 0
Question 2: Which can hold open a door?
While Jenna claims to be weighing around 120, she appears to weigh a great deal less. And considering the phone book is dead weight, it should not encounter any problems if a gust of wind arises. 1 Point for the phone book.
Score: Japanese Phone Book 2 Jenna Jameson 0
Question 3: Which is more dangerous?
While getting hit in the head with the phone book may hurt more than getting hit by Jenna, her current boyfriend MMA fighter Tito Ortiz could hurt you in ways a big book can’t. 1 Point is awarded to Jenna.
Score: Japanese Phone Book 2 Jenna Jameson 1
Question 4: Which is more durable?
While the phone book may look pretty durable, it can get beat up pretty quickly. The pages get torn, some pages start to discolour, and by the time you get the phone book, a lot of the data is already out of date. After 34 years of sex, drugs, debauchery and various health problems, Jenna is still kicking about. Another Point is awarded to Jenna.
Score: Japanese Phone Book 2 Jenna Jameson 2
Question 5: Which has seen more Wang?
Wang is a very popular name that may appear profusely through out a phone book in Japan. Ms. Jameson has reportedly slept with about 100 women and 30 men off-screen in her life. Add into account her 100+ adult films and she’s seen a lot of everything. But has she seen more? Too tough to call. No points given to either.
Verdict: Draw
Well, until anyone can prove otherwise: Jenna Jameson = Japanese Phone book. Take it for what its worth.
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Do you feel the verdict is unjust? Do you feel that one of the points was given to the wrong side? Do you have a tie-breaking question? Please leave us a comment.
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