Archive for the ‘Social Misfits’ Category:
Who Forgot Paris Panties Day?
With a bevy of groundhogs seeing their shadow on Monday (including Punxsutawney Phil, Shubenacadie Sam, and Wiarton Willie), it appears as if another six weeks of Winter is unavoidable. However, many soothsayers slept on a more important story. While February 2nd is traditionally known as Groundhog’s Day, it also considered by many to be Paris Hilton’s Panties Day.
During this special occasion, paparazzi are known to congregate near Paris Hilton in order to predict what type of year we can expect. It is said that the shade of Ms. Hilton’s undies can help determine the direction that the mass media will take for the coming year. If her panties are light colored, the media outlets will focus more on issues like education and health care. If her panties are dark, the focus will go towards more provocative subject matter like celebrity sex tapes and rehab.
And the winner is……
NO PANTIES???!??
And yet another year of debauchery awaits us.
Supergirl’s New Career
Based on the caption on the cover of the upcoming comic book, Supergirl’s interests are definitely shifting into new directions.
What Britney Spears Wants…
Apparently, Britney Spears is not aware of the controversy surrounding her new single, “If You Seek Amy”. Neither Ms. Spears or her record label, Jive, have spoken to the press regarding the possible shock tactics she is using to help promote her latest album, “Circus”. Most radio stations are uncertain how to handle the song, as they fear penalties from the FCC, as the chorus spells out “f— me”.
The controversy grows as reports indicate that this is the beginning of a trend for the former Mickey Mouse Club member. Images leaked to the Internet indicate that Britney is involved in the next Harry Potter movie, set for a July release. And the poster from the single is already raising some eyebrows.
The follow up single, about Britney’s childhood hobby, is also bound to raise a few eyebrows.
If you are are concerned that these tactics will mark the beginning of the end for the young songstress’ career, fear not. We have received news as it relates to a new endorsement deal for Britney. She has signed on with an energy drink manufacturer, and the initial campaign is almost ready for its official launch. Hopefully, this will help boost Britney’s image, which has seen its problems since the Pepsi debacle.
Tags: Britney Spears, funny, funny photo, funny photos, funny picture, humor, humour, satire, sex, spoof, tabloids
Ten Alternatives For The Word Slut
Human nature suggests that we should be able to communicate with one another, without letting others in on what’s being discussed. This is the very reason we have Pig Latin and Cockney Rhyming Slang.
However, rather than devising a whole new language, I prefer the use of “code”. Using a few terms that the rest of my buddies know, we can communicate without fear of repercussions.
For example, we can make plans to go the strip club by suggesting that we can have a guys’ night at “the casino”. We can suggest that we think that someone seems slow on the draw by suggesting that “they like cake”.
So, for those of you who wish to tell someone else that you think the girl across the bar is a slut, here are ten terms (in alphabetical order) you can use, without fear of getting a smack.
1. Bag of Chips
Ever been to a party where a bag of chips gets passes around , so that everyone gets some? Same thing applies to a slutty girl. She gets passed around, and everyone gets some.
2. Cactus Cat
Women on the prowl are often referred to as “cougars” or “lynx”. The “cactus cat” on the other hand is a legendary bobcat discussed in folklore. And it just so happens to be the only feline to ever be brandished with horns. A horny cougar, you say?
3. Geico
A reference to the car insurance slogan: “So easy a caveman could do her…I mean it.”
4. John Lee
A reference to the famous blues singer/guitarist. Last name? Hooker.
5. Junk Collector
Considering how as men we have been known to refer to our genitalia as “junk”, this term requires little explanation.
6. Meatsock
A woman who has slept with so many men, she would be extremely loose. The feeling would be similar to placing your junk into a sock made out of meat.
7. Moscowcycle
A play on the old “village bike” or “community bike” joke. Everyone gets a ride.
8. Poultry Aficionado
Because, as you know, she loves c*ck.
9. Sealy Inspector
A reference to a brand of mattress. “She’s seen enough them, she could get a job inspecting them.”
10. Seven-Eleven
As in the old joke: “She’s like a 7-Eleven. She’s open 24 hours a day, and for a couple bucks, you can get a ‘Slurpee’.”
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Have you ever come across a woman who would feel comfortable calling a Cactus Cat? Have you ever shared a Bag Of Chips at a party? Leave a comment.
How To Get Stalked On MySpace
[Editorial Note: Online predators and cyber-stalking are very serious topics. These are topics that, unfortuantely, has had an impact on my family recently. It is our hope that we can educate and entertain others with the use of humor, about these matters. This post discusses the general lack of common sense that some people have when it comes to posting personal information online (as it relates specifically to social networking web sites like MySpace). We do not endorse stalking or harassing anyone online or offline. Should you come across a loved one who is posting this type of information, smack them upside the head.]
[Editorial Note #2: We do not endorse violence either.]
Are you lonely? Are you trying to find Mr or Ms. Right? Does the bar scene just not cut it anymore? Well, you can say goodbye to loneliness and hello to happiness, thanks in part to social networking site like MySpace and Facebook. With such a large community of people, you are bound to meet and make new friends who share similar interests with you. So what do you need to find that someone special, and catch their attention? Just follow our simple to follow six-step plan.
Step 1: Tell Us A Little Something About Yourself.
Are you a gaming afficianado? Do you enjoy going to plays? Perhaps, you prefer a nice cuddle on the couch, and watching a romantic movie. Its good to let others know a little something about yourself, or at the very least, let them know what’s on your mind. Maybe someone might share of your interests, or at the very least in the same mood as you.
Step 2: Get Close and Personal
Beauty may only be skin deep, however when checking out new people online, you can’t help but be a little superficial. Because of this, most people focus on showing their best physical assets. If you have nice eyes, don’t hesitate from posting a closeup picture of your peepers. If people tell you that you have a nice smile, post a nice shot of your pearly whites. Whatever you think might be your best asset, feel free to display it for others to see.
A word of warning, all of your friends and family will be seeing these pictures, as well. So try to remember to leave yourself with a little dignity. Otherwise, the pictures that your family might enjoy seeing, may end up being shown right next to the ones that really would rather not see.
Step 3: Location, Location, Location
While posed portraits, and body shots are nice, people enjoy seeing pictures of other people enjoying themselves. Its not uncommon see pictures posted from a recent vacation, a weekend out of town with the girls, or even events like concerts or weddings. Its fun to see people interacting in various social settings. However, you may want to avoid posting pictures in front of your work or favorite bar, as people who you’d rather avoid, will be able to find you in places where you spend a lot of your time.
Step 4: Show Off Your Skillz
As is with the outside world, there are tons of people to look at online, and you should make yourself stand out. A lot of people post pictures of themselves at their very best. Do you play guitar? Maybe post a picture of yourself playing at the local bar. Do you dance? You can post photos from your recitals or competitions, and share your passion with others. No matter what you are good at, it helps others get a glimpse at you, and the things that you like to do.
5. Feel Free To Safely Interact
The nice thing about social websites is the social aspects. Post a comment on someone’s profile, or if you like someone send that someone a private message. If things get awkward or uncomfortable, you don’t need to worry about anything. You can simply block them from contacting you. Its not like they have your e-mail address.
6. A Good Sense of Humour
People enjoy a good sense of humour. And showing yourself in funny and awkward situations will show that you don’t mind be being the butt of a joke. Maybe, its getting arrested by the 6-year-old police officer on Halloween. Maybe you’ve went back in time, and find yourself shackled in town square. Perhaps, you find yourself completely buried in the sand, and only your head is showing. Showing a fun and playful side will win you over more new friends and possible relationships then just posting the same old boring pictures.
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Have you been witness to someone posting something inappropriate on their FaceBook? Has someone shown you a little more of themselves than you are comfortable with on MySpace? Leave a comment.
Tags: advice, dating, facebook, funny, funny photo, funny photos, funny picture, funny pictures, girls, humor, humour, myspace, photos, satire, social media, spoof
