Extremely Funny

After witnessing the battle between Jenna Jameson and a Japanese Phone Book, it occurred to me that a similar debate could be started between two women. Somewhere in the world, two ladies could be sitting at some patio bar and sipping on some margaritas. These ladies would break out into an arguement over some hypothetical subjects.

Which one is better? Which should be the victor? Which one would reign supreme?

This particular battle is between a naked man and a Twinkie.

Question 1: Which is more fattening?
Consuming everything including the cream filling of a Twinkie, you are consuming about 150 calories. Each teaspoon of a naked man’s cream filling has about 5 to 7 calories.

Score: Naked Man 1 Twinkie 0

Question 2: Which has a better shelf life?
Contrary to the urban myth that Twinkies have a shelf life of over 100 years, a more realistic figure suggests that they can sit on your shelf for 25 days and still be fine. And while you would think that someone would starve to death sitting on that shelf, reports suggest that the naked man “could” last between 46 and 73 days without food.

Score: Naked Man 2 Twinkie 0

Question 3: Which are best enjoyed in quantity?
If you were to rip open a box of individually wrapped Twinkies and consume 6, 8, 10 or even 12 over the span of an evening, you may feel slightly bloated or sick. Committing the same acts with 6, 8, 10 or a dozen naked men will likely result in similar symptoms. Keep in mind however, eating one dozen snack treats over the span of a few hours will never have you brandished with such titles as slut or whore.

Score: Naked Man 2 Twinkie 1

Question 4: Which provide better companionship?
While you would assume that the naked man would provide better companionship, some things need to be considered. The Twinkie will never a) forget your anniversary, b) leave you for another woman or c) judge you for what you just “did” to the previous eleven.

Score: Naked Man 2 Twinkie 2

Question 5: Which is more available when you most need it?

A Twinkie can easily be stored in a purse or handbag, and is easily accesible when you are in most need of it. According to most women, a good man is hard to find. If a good man is difficult to obtain, it is safe to assume that a naked man will likely be even more difficult to find when required. Plus, if you are able to find a naked man, chances are that it would be difficult to store him in your favorite handbag.

Score: Twinkie 3 Naked Man 2

Verdict: Winner by a score of 3 to 2 - the Twinkie.

Well, until anyone can provide a better argument: A Twinkie > A Naked Man. Sorry, dude.

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Do you feel the verdict is incorrect or unjustified? Do you think that one or more of the points were awarded to the wrong side? Do you have a better question to pose? Please leave us a comment.

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