Extremely Funny

The extremist vegan group, PETA (or People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals), has once again asked corporate America to do something weird. They recently asked Ben & Jerry’s to replace cow’s milk with human breast milk in their ice cream. If Ben & Jerry’s decide to take up PETA on their proposal, what would this mean to everyone?

The Farmers

Obviously, if all of Corporate America follows this example, the dairy farmers will find themselves out of work. And in order to make ends meet, they will need to adapt to this new methodology. One possibility would be for farmers to replace their cattle with unwed teenage mothers who could use the extra cash to help support their young families. A more stable option might be by utilizing large religious families who tend to pop out a new kid every 9 months. The lack of birth-control and a continuous flow of breast milk could keep the farmers in a comfortable position for many years to come.

Ben & Jerry’s

If the ice-cream giant were to decide to opt to go the breast-milk route, what initiatives would they put in place?
Would they decide to use home-grown milk, or have their supply outsourced from a third-world country where they could garner a much cheaper price?

Perhaps Ben & Jerry’s could set up employee initiatives that help their female staff supplement their income with breast-milk-money. They could even setup initiatives for their female employees (and wives of male employees) to produce more children with additional initiatives put in place for the sale of their mommy-juices. More babies, mean more breast milk, which means more profit.

The only downside may be that these female employees will need to report to work once every few days in order to harvest product from their ample baby-feeders (for quality control purposes). Nothing more annoying then “Barry from Accounting” suckling on your nipples to ensure your inventory is still good.

The Rest Of Corporate America

If you thought Corporate America was quick to pick up on the “green and more environmental” bandwagon, the human-produced milk boom will be twice as huge. Of course, some marketing people will decide to rebrand some of their more popular products in an effort to catch the eyes of consumers. Yes, my friends, the “breast” is yet to come.

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What companies or products could you see switching to breast milk? Do you prefer you breast milk from a carton or straight from the source? What kind of work will the unemployed cows find? Leave a comment.

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