Extremely Funny

DIY Lingerie: The Poor White Trash Way

September 3rd, 2008 5 Comments   Posted in Distorted Viewpoint, Funny Pictures, Photoshop Phun, Pop Culture, Social Misfits

I’m continually amazed by the amount of women who wouldn’t think twice about spending hundreds or even thousands of dollars at stores like Fredericks of Hollywood or Victoria’s Secret. But why spend all that money when you can get the same desired effect with little to no money, as well as minimal effort.

Here are a few ideas to consider when creating your own sexy underclothing.

1. The way to a man’s heart

While technically, you need to go through the man’s chest, most people will insist that you need to go through the man’s stomach. Men like to eat, and offering him a tasty treat can really get his mojo running. Problem is, that most edible underpants are quite expensive. We have some recommendations that will not cut too much into your beer and smokes budget.

A candy necklace can be a nice fashion accessory for a night on the town. By braiding a few necklaces together, however, you can easily put together a sweet little top and bottom that will have your man going into a sugar overload.

For those who don’t have a sweet tooth (mainly due to lack of teeth), other food-friendly options are available. With the help of some non-toxic (this means non-killing) glue, an old pair of undies and some breakfast cereal, you can make yourself a part of the most important meal of the day.

2. A Man’s Best Friend

Women with tons of money love to wear the fur from dead animals. Unfortunately, most of the critters you run over with the pickup truck don’t have much fur to work with. Well, and they smell. And they are filthy. But don’t worry, beacuse you can get that glamourous look by enlisting the help of man’s best friend.

No, I’m not talking about Bubba Joe or Jack Daniels. I’m talking about his dog. What do most dogs have a crapload of? Fur (unless you have one of them chihuahuas or other freaky hairless mutts). Take a brush (hopefully the dog has one so you don’t need to use your own), and starting brushing Old Blue. Once you have gathered enough fur, glue it onto an old pair of gitch, and voila…..you have a new sexy pair of underpants.

3. Waste Not - Want Not

You might even have items lying around your house (or frontyard) that you haven’t found much use for. After the printer got run over (that’s what happens when you try to surf the Interwebs while driving down the highway), the cable was of no value anymore. Or was it? Simply wrap the cable around your waist, do some strategic tucking and tying, and you’ve got yourself one helluva thong.

So remember, why spend thousands of dollars on lingerie, when you know in your heart, your cousin is moving in two weeks anyways.

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Have you ever tried making your own lingerie? Have you ever spoken to someone who would consider a garbage bag as a plausible piece of clothing? Leave a comment.

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Tips For Seducing Rednecks

July 9th, 2008 4 Comments   Posted in Distorted Viewpoint, Funny Pictures, Photoshop Phun, Pop Culture, Social Misfits

As a service to our two female readers, I decided it was only right to provide some content geared to them. And what is a popular topic amongst our female readership…..dating. So I thought it only fitting that I provide some dating advice. However, as most of the guys I know are pretty low-brow, the best advice I can provide is a bit on the frightening side. So without further ado, here are three easy tips to keep in mind when trying to attract the opposite sex… well as long as his name is Billy-Bob or Bubba.

Tip #1: Present him with something enticing

Men are simple creatures. We like simple things like meat, sports, large breasts, beer and explosions. Pick two of these things and present it to us. You will find most subjects rather receptive to discussions about tailgate parties, beer-can bikinis, or NASCAR.

Tip #2: Set The Mood

After luring the redneck male back to your place, you can’t simply offer them sex. You have to set the mood for the evening. Put on a nice Lynyrd Skynyrd 8-track or Billy Ray Cyrus cassette. That’s really sexy. Turn off the lights, and turn on the TV. If you don’t own any actual porn, don’t be discouraged. Flip the channels until you find a Monster Truck Rally. That will be considered a suitable replacement.

Tip #3: Make Him Feel Comfortable

Once you have enticed the redneck male to the bedroom, the subject may start to feel uncomfortable. If you have all your own teeth, or don’t say things like “din you git sum”, he may not feel attractive enough. You can ease his discomfort by engaging in things like roleplay. You can act out his fantasy of “that purdy cousin from da city”, or whatever else comes to mind. The important thing is to not be judgmental of his requests, and you’ll be fine.

I hope you have found this advice useful. If you want to learn more about the redneck, or simply want to take a look at some successful shotgun weddings, feel free to click here.