Posts Tagged ‘animals’
Tips For Seducing Rednecks
As a service to our two female readers, I decided it was only right to provide some content geared to them. And what is a popular topic amongst our female readership…..dating. So I thought it only fitting that I provide some dating advice. However, as most of the guys I know are pretty low-brow, the best advice I can provide is a bit on the frightening side. So without further ado, here are three easy tips to keep in mind when trying to attract the opposite sex… well as long as his name is Billy-Bob or Bubba.
Tip #1: Present him with something enticing
Men are simple creatures. We like simple things like meat, sports, large breasts, beer and explosions. Pick two of these things and present it to us. You will find most subjects rather receptive to discussions about tailgate parties, beer-can bikinis, or NASCAR.
Tip #2: Set The Mood
After luring the redneck male back to your place, you can’t simply offer them sex. You have to set the mood for the evening. Put on a nice Lynyrd Skynyrd 8-track or Billy Ray Cyrus cassette. That’s really sexy. Turn off the lights, and turn on the TV. If you don’t own any actual porn, don’t be discouraged. Flip the channels until you find a Monster Truck Rally. That will be considered a suitable replacement.
Tip #3: Make Him Feel Comfortable
Once you have enticed the redneck male to the bedroom, the subject may start to feel uncomfortable. If you have all your own teeth, or don’t say things like “din you git sum”, he may not feel attractive enough. You can ease his discomfort by engaging in things like roleplay. You can act out his fantasy of “that purdy cousin from da city”, or whatever else comes to mind. The important thing is to not be judgmental of his requests, and you’ll be fine.
I hope you have found this advice useful. If you want to learn more about the redneck, or simply want to take a look at some successful shotgun weddings, feel free to click here.
Tags: advice, animals, beer, dating, drunk, funny, funny photo, funny photos, funny picture, funny pictures, girls, humor, humour, photos, photoshop, redneck, satire, spoof
If I Was On The KFC Board Of Directors…
I’d send a nice, heartfelt greeting card to all the PETA Members wishing them a nice Easter holiday.
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For more finger lick’n goodness, check out humor-blogs.com
Tags: animals, anti peta, chicken, easter, easter bunny, food, funny photos, funny pictures, humor, humour, kfc, PERF, peta, peta sucks, photos, vegan
I’ve Heard Of Ski Bunnies But…
Credit goes to neilliddle for this interesting picture.
And for more hilarity, go to Humor-Blogs.com if you dare.
Tags: animals, flickr, funny photos, funny pictures, funny signs, humor, humour, kangaroo, photos, road crossing, road signs, social media
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? To Get His Own Sign.
Imagine driving down the road and seeing a big rooster’s head on a sign warning. That’s seems just plain silly. Well now imagine, it were true. We’ve compiled a short list of animal crossing signs that caught our funny bone.
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I was not aware that frogs were such a valuable resource that they warranted a sign. I guess most French restaurants prefer to serve their frogs free-range.
Source: Neil Gould
Apparently, in the Canadian capital (Ottawa), tax dollars go to putting up signs with squished turtles on them (and they become fair game once school rolls back in).
Source: Alistair Williamson
Now I suppose that a Kangaroo warning may not seem too odd in Australia, but how about in Houston, Texas? Just kidding, this one is from the Land Down Under.
Source: Stuart Creegan
I thought they were only native to the coldest climates, but apparently there is a breed of penguins that reside in Tasmania. Look out for Chilly Willy on the right.
Source: Ben C
If I have to wait for one more guppy to go by, I’m gonna go mad.
Source: Neil Gould
And last but not least, in British Columbia they have deers so fat and ugly they resemble elephants.
Source: swagger
