Extremely Funny

Personal Items Stolen From Paris Hilton

It seems every few days new stories about Paris Hilton appear in TMZ or other celebrity sites. They all mention pregnancy rumors, bar fights, updates on her relationships, her next TV project, and everything else under the sun. However, they all seem to touch on but never deal directly with one very important story. The situation we speak of has been brewing over the last couple years and appears to be getting worse and worse. It appears as if personal property is being taken away from Ms. Hilton, and she is having to deal with her loses in stride. No, it isn’t her jewelry or cars that go missing. Someone or someones are stealing Paris’ panties.

Pictures seem to be constantly surfacing, of poor Miss Paris having to attend various social events without any extra coverage. Numerous weblogs have posted pictures of Ms. Hilton leaving various stores after purchasing lingerie and other undergarments. Yet she continues to be seen in public without a single pair of gitch on.

What is the reason for this? Why is this happening to poor Paris?

It appears as if a small group from Colorado have been secretly sabotaging Paris’ collection of g-strings and thongs. The alleged perpetrators are not only stealing the underpants from under the celebutante, but other people’s panties as well.

A knickers-free terrorist group simply known as the “Underspants Gnomes” have been spotted in various parts of Colorado, most notablely South Park, but are still at large.

The reasons for their actions are still unknown at this time, but the staff here at Extremely Funny are doing their best to get in touch with the butt-floss loving group. Authorities in both Colorado and California are working together in an effort to provide aide to both Miss Hilton and the other victims.

In an effort to find the missing bikini bottoms and briefs, posters and flyers are being distributed to various retail outlets and pictures of the lost lingerie are being sent to both state and federal authorities. Should you have any knowledge on the whereabouts of the diva’s delicates or other people’s undies, a toll-free number has been setup to allow anonymous tips to be provided. If you have any information pertaining to Ms. Hilton’s heinie-coverings, please call 1-888-NO-PANTY.

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If you feel you efforts are better used for other things, please consider voting for this post at humor-blogs.com. While your vote will not help victims like Paris, it will help provide other celebrities like Tara Reid with better wardrobe choices in an effort to stop unnecessary nipple-slips.