Extremely Funny

Like most kids, I was always amazed by the cool superpowers that my favorite comic book heroes had.  I often imagined it would be cool to be able to fly or have super strength.  As I grew older and saw many of my favorite superheroes and supervillians find their way onto the big screen, it also occurred to me that many of those real neat powers could be used in some very naughty ways.  Here is the list of the seven most perverse of those powers.

1. Pheromone manipulation

The ability to generate and control pheromones may not sound like the most amazing power.  However, these powers can be used in order to satisfy ones most carnal desires.  The power allows you to manipulate people to give you money, and the ability to have members of the opposite sex attracted to you.

Wallflower, a former member of the New Mutants squad, inherited this power from her father.  Wallflower’s father, coincidentally., had took full advantage of the dirtier aspects of his power.

Sex. Money.  Fame. Can’t get much better than that.

2. Domination and Mind Control

Fans of the X-Men comics and movies, might expect some comment regarding Professor Xavier or Jean Grey.  While the ability to read one’s mind or alter one’s memories may seem good, complete mind control can have much more interesting results.

Karma, a founding member of the New Mutants, has the ability to take possession of the minds of others.  By projecting a psionic energy surge at her victim, she overwhelms their consciousness rendering them unconscious. She is then able to place her own mind in command.

Due to her powers, a horny Karma would not have too much problems taking the lover of her choice, and getting exactly what she wants.

3. Size Shifting

The ability to shrink or grow has its advantages in the superhero realm. Henry Pym (who has been better known by aliases such as Ant-Man, Giant-Man, Goliath, Yellowjacket and the Wasp) has been able to take advantage of both these abilities.

As Ant-Man, Pym would be able to shrink down to a mere half-inch in size.  At that height, he could sneak into a woman’s shower room completely undetected.  As Giant-Man, he could attain a maximum height of roughly 100 feet.  At that size he could quietly spy on a topless sunbather on top of a 10 story building.

And don’t even get me started on the potential horrors of a 7 foot boner.

4. Elasticity

While fighting crime, the ability to bend, stretch and expand one’s body is useful in capturing the bad guy.  Reed Richards, otherwise known as Mr. Fantastic of the Fantastic Four, has used his ability to stretch, deform, and reform himself in order to accomplish various tasks needed in order to restore order to the world.

Thanks to his abilities, Mr. Fantastic can wrap his entire body around the person of his choice. His elasticity would make him quite popular in both the bondage and latex worlds.

And even if Reed wasn’t big on fetishes, he could just as easily get a cheap thrill from groping his choice of women without too much effort.

5. Invisibility

The ability to render yourself unseen to the naked eye is quite useful in the world of superheroes.  Knowing that you can listen in or even attack the enemy while invisible has its definite advantages. Susan Storm Richards, better known as the Invisible Woman from the Fantastic Four, has used these powers to take advantage of numerous supervillains.

Undoubtedly, voyeurism is certainly something I would imagine the Invisible Woman could engage in.  The ability to be undetected to the naked eye, would allow you to be undetected to other naked bodies.

I would venture to guess, invisible sex would be quite cool too.

6. X-Ray Vision

When trying to locate the enemy, or when trying to locate someone who was kidnapped, the ability to see through walls and other solid matter is very useful.  This power never seemed to fail when used in the comic books.

On the other hand, I also remember these same comic books plastered with ads for “x-ray glasses”.  However, it was seldom advertised as something used to help fight crime.  The ads was usually trying to entice with the ability to “see through clothes”.

How often do you think Superman used that trick on Lois Lane?

7. Shape Shifting

Having the ability to change one’s appearance or body structure is quite useful to both superheroes and supervillains alike. By making yourself resemble someone else, you can more easily infiltrate your enemy.  Fans of X-Men are familiar with Mystique using her powers in order to cause confusion and gather information for her allies.

The advantages should be rather obvious.  The unattainable suddenly becomes very attainable.

Want to sleep with Brad Pitt?  Then morph yourself into Angelina Jolie.
Want to have sex with Heroes star Hayden Panettiere?  Then morph yourself into Angelina Jolie.

The possibilities are endless.

—

Which power do you think is the most perverse?  Is there a superpower that you feel deserves to be on the list? Which power would you most like to use for your own carnal reasons?  Leave a comment.